Gently Go I
by NikkiNovak
Summary: "I hope, with great effort, that I have made an imprint on his soul that no one can pave over. Let someone else make their own imprint, but let mine go untouched because that is how it should be." She thought he was changing her but really, she was changing him. An AU/AH story about love, loss, and life.
1. Chapter 1

My mind is stronger than ever and all I can think about is how amazing my life had been while I'd been able to live it. I think about every small, irritating detail that most paid no mind to, like the varying colors of wildflowers growing along Pacific Coast Highway or the way I could skip a stone across a stream that lay still in the early evening. Most of all, I think about him - my greatest and only love. He's here with me. I can feel his fingers curled in between mine. There's a quiet hum from the breathing machine and I wish someone would turn it off so I can hear him breathing instead.

I can't talk but I'm okay just existing in the silence for as long as possible. I've come to terms with everything and I'm not angry.

A few tears rain down on my hand and I wish that he wouldn't cry. The feeling of the wet drops against my skin make me think about he and I, they make me feel alive…chasing one another in the orange surf along the beach as the sun dropped slowly to light the other side of the world. I remember immediately the taste of the salt water against my lips, which is an odd thing to think of. His beautiful face is forefront in my mind, those sky blue eyes burning into mine. The kisses. The touches. The magnetic pull that starts in my heart and radiates outward like rays of sun, warming me from the inside.

You see, I'm dying. My life is slowly leaving this vessel that I once called home and, though I have fought valiantly, my time is upon us whether we like it or not.

Perhaps you can never be ready to let someone go fully. When my dad passed I remember wondering if he was upset to leave my mom and I. I kept him tucked away in my heart since that day and today I find myself hoping that my love will do the same. I hope, with great effort, that I have made an imprint on his soul that no one can pave over. Let someone else make their own imprint, but let mine go untouched because that is how it should be.

"I love you," he murmurs.

"I know," I think as loudly as I can.

My mind is wandering suddenly but it goes right for happy times. He often told me that I was put in his path to wake him up a little, to make him see what was right in front of him. I disagree. I think he was put in my path so I would know what it is truly like to love someone so completely that it seems ridiculous.

 _ **And so it began**_ _ **…**_

The sidewalk in Venice Beach was crowded. I watched in wonder as tourists washed by in groups, staring at the odd inhabitants and buying the goods being sold along the beach. My mother and I were owners of a numbered block where we'd been selling handmade jewelry for two years. Venice wasn't supposed to be our final stop but after years of excuses, I knew my mother was never leaving. Sure, it was an odd life we led but it was _ours_ and it just never occurred to me that there was any other way to exist.

Miranda, my mother, was an amazing woman with smiles for everyone and hair the color of the sky as the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. People stared at her but one radiating grin and they smiled back. They almost always bought something from our table. When money got _really_ tight I would read palms or tell fortunes. It paid the rent and I had the talent, passed down from three generations before me. "I love watching the people stroll by and wondering what each individual person's story is," my mother wondered aloud.

A couple was headed in our direction so I took a stab. "They're a couple. They aren't holding hands or even leaning toward one another but they're together. He's unsure about something and she's pissed because he hasn't asked her to marry him yet."

"She looks like a piece of work. You know what they say - even the ugliest creation is still considered art."

I suppressed a laugh as the couple crossed the pavement and headed right toward our little booth. I took the opportunity to study the two people from behind the safety of my dark glasses. He had dark hair, the bluest eyes I'd ever seen and was extremely fit…nothing like any man I would ever date. She was visually his perfect match…medium height, natural brunette and a cute little manicure and pedicure to top it all off.

"Do you actually read palms?" The man asked motioning toward my handwritten sign. The disgusted look on the woman's face did not go unnoticed.

"Of course. Would you like to try your luck?" My brow rose in challenge.

His girlfriend looked unsure and backed away a little. He simply grinned and tossed a ten down on the table. "I'd like to know a few things."

"Alright then, step into my office." I led him behind the clapboard divider that held our longer necklaces and instructed him to take a seat. I adjusted the umbrella. My mother was telling his girlfriend all about our bracelets out front.

"Give me your hand," I instructed before moving my sunglasses up on top of my head.

"What's your name?" He asked me suddenly. It sounded like he was nervous.

"Elena." His question didn't throw me off one bit.

He started to say something else but I shushed him with one finger to my lips. If he wanted to know whether or not he would marry Mrs. Malibu then that was a big negative. His marriage line was broken in half which meant he wouldn't be getting married anytime soon. He cleared his throat and my eyes lifted to his. "What do you see? Anything horrible?"

I shook my head slowly before glancing up to meet his gaze. "This line here," I drag my fingertip down the side of his hand, "...means you're destined for big things. It's an unusual line. I've never seen anything like it."

"Big things?"

"Absolutely, friend. Oh and…you shouldn't marry your lady out front there," I added in the best whisper I could manage, not that I actually could read that in his palm.

He chuckled and flexed his hand. "So when you say big things…you don't mean like getting arrested kind of big things, right?"

"Why? Have you done something illegal?" I asked with a full laugh. I grabbed his hand and ran my fingers lightly down the middle of his palm once more. "I just mean that in some big way you are going to change your life or someone else's. I don't have any details but what fun would it be if I did?"

"Are you just fucking with me because I paid you ten bucks?"

I sighed and released my grip on his appendage. "Seeing is not always believing. Believing is feeling like it could happen and being open to the possibility." I stood and replaced my sunglasses. "If it makes you feel any better, this was on the house."

He caught the ten I balled up and threw back at him. "I'll be back next weekend and I'm buying something."

I pitied him because he felt guilty. "A kind gesture is just that. You don't owe me a thing."

"You're an interesting person Elena - thanks."

"Just don't marry that one," I jerked my finger toward his girlfriend who was waiting impatiently, "and I'll call it even."

He laughed and started to walk away backwards. "It's a deal. I wasn't planning on it anyway."

I gave him two thumbs up and then he was gone.

"What was his name?" My mother asked me when I sat down next to her once again. "I feel like I've seen his face somewhere."

"No clue. I didn't ask but, I do know that he's an actor. I've seen him on a magazine cover."

"How did the reading go?"

"Mom, he is going to make someone very happy someday. That much I know for certain." Conveniently, I left out the fact that my conclusion hadn't been drawn from his palm.

"Elena, have I ever told you that you're the light of my life?" I smiled over at her and nodded. She told me frequently just how much I meant to her. There wasn't a day I could remember where she nor my father didn't come right out and express how special I was. Of course, she told me twice a day since my dad passed on just to make up for his absence.

We carried on with the rest of our day and when the sun began to set I packed up the tables and loaded them into the back of our ancient van. The thing was three faded shades of blue but it got us to and from the beach which was more than we could hope for. We had a small house just about three blocks away. It was a one bedroom place and the central air didn't always work but it was home.

After dinner I sat out on the porch and let my skin soak up the moonlight. There was something about the nighttime that made me feel free. Free of my body and its constraints, not to mention free of the politics and rules of society that made it so hard to survive.

* * *

The next weekend, my mother stayed home to relax. Our week had been unusually busy and thanks to that we could breathe easier for a little while. I didn't mind sitting alone in our little painted square one bit. It allowed me time to think and watch the different people pass by. The lady next to us, Myrna, did henna tattoos like I'd never seen and on the other side was a light pole. It was a prime spot.

"Looks like your GQ model's come back for more," Myrna called over her waist high wall. She winked, though I couldn't tell if it was for good luck or the tiniest bit of envy.

I looked down the cement walkway and sure enough, he was rollerblading toward me at an even speed. He was definitely alone and, who rollerbladed anymore? "I thought we were clear on our last transaction," I said with a smile as he approached the table. "Or do people in the 90's have something against favors?" A gesture to the skates earned me an eye roll.

"We were, we were. I just realized I never introduced myself and in my book that's pretty rude. Even though you technically just insulted me."

I took his outstretched hand. "Well, I'm Elena, but you knew that already and let's be honest, you walked right into that one...or rollerbladed, actually."

"Elena, I'm Damon Salvatore. It's nice to meet you…" He laughed and nodded, accepting defeat on the rollerblade front and removed them.

"Damon. Also a good name. I'm a fan of good strong names."

"Good thing I'm not a John or a Bruce."

"Where's tall and manicured?"

Damon shrugged but neglected to put his all into the action. "She's off getting something waxed or painted with her girlfriends." A mother and daughter stopped to admire the rings on my table. The girl looked sideways at Damon which made him slightly uneasy.

"Well, I have to…" I motioned toward the two customers and he smiled.

"Sure, yeah. I have to get back and take my dog out before he plans an escape. I'll see you around Elena."

"See ya around," I called as he walked away, blades in hand.

I could feel Myrna and the girl staring at me simultaneously. I wasn't stupid, I knew why. Damon wasn't just any guy. My mom looked him up online the very same day we'd first met and filled me in, despite my protests. He was a popular man because of a vampire movie that I'd never seen. None of those things meant anything to me though, because I liked to focus on the small stuff no one ever seemed to notice. I preferred to focus on the little things in life.

The next few weeks passed quieter than usual. My mother and I went about our normal routine. I hadn't thought much about Damon because there was no way a girl like me would so much as register with a guy like him, so I was shocked when he showed up as I was packing things away one Friday night.

"Hey, long time no see," I called as he approached me slowly. He looked almost as hesitant as I felt. "Damon? Are you okay?"

He chuckled and stepped closer, into the light with a grin and stuck both hands in the pockets of his board shorts. "I'm wonderful actually."

"Yeah, creeping up on people slowly in the shadows while wearing an unsure frown clearly tells me you're peachy." I rolled my eyes and stacked the plastic containers of jewelry.

"I know I'm sorry. Occupational hazard." He paused when I laughed, realizing I _did_ in fact know who he was and what he did for a living. "I've been busy and I wanted to ask you out for dinner but I lost the nerve under the faulty street lamp over there." He gestured behind and burst into an amused laugh.

"Seriously? What happened to Miss Malibu?" He was asking me out. It was amazing to me and I would have done a seriously committed happy dance had I actually been looking for someone to date.

Damon watched me a moment before moving to help me roll my containers to the van. "We aren't seeing each other anymore. I couldn't take the pedicures and the name brands anymore. That bullshit is far too superficial for the type of guy I want to be."

"That's heavy stuff." I was avoiding his gaze. There was no doubt that he was waiting for me to answer his poorly asked question.

He lifted my things into the back of the van with ease. "So…are you busy tonight or what?"

I couldn't ignore the grin and those blue eyes that almost glowed, staring at me through the early evening light. Behind us people talked and laughed. People flew past on skateboards and somewhere someone was playing Reggae. I felt alive and in control but looking at Damon, that made me wonder. What would happen if I went out with him one time? There was no rule that said I had to date him; it was only dinner after all. "Alright. I'm up for dinner if you want. Lead the way."

"Excellent," he exclaimed, smacking his hands together.

We fell into step, side by side as we made our way back onto the quickly darkening boardwalk. Our conversation was easy and comfortable the entire trip to the restaurant. We were seated right on the boardwalk under an orange canopy that glowed in the street lights.

"I don't normally date random guys." I winked at him and a smile broke out on his face, bringing two very prominent dimples to the surface.

Damon gestured to himself and leaned back so the server could place our drinks down. "Hey, I am not some random guy. You know all about me remember?"

"Oh right, the palm reading." I looked off across the beach, admiring the moon through the palm trees. "And whatever I can read about you online."

"Hey," Damon said quietly. "Tell me something about yourself."

My head tilted as I filtered through the file cabinet in my brain. "I used to have horses. I love horseback riding."

He made a face. "Oh yeah…I'm not sure I'm so great at horseback riding."

"Oh please. With all those muscles you'd have no problem."

Damon laughed and leaned forward. The candle in the center of the table cast a yellowish light against the contour of his jaw. "You've been admiring my muscles, Elena." His grin was devious and I almost blushed…almost.

"Nice try but my mother told me."

'You're shittin' me. Your mom?"

I shrugged and snatched a fry from my plate that had just arrived. "She googled you, which I find mostly normal."

"Where are you from?" He asked, shaking his head.

"Georgia."

He gave me a look of exasperation. "Elena from Georgia. I don't even know what to say. You're an enigma and it's so annoying."

"Yeah, well, I make it my life's work to annoy the hell out of other people." We laughed over the absurdity of our entire dinner conversation. The whole hour and a half was filled with strange questioning and inappropriate jokes. It was a highlight for me. I hadn't ever come across someone like Damon Salvatore, which was good and bad in so many different ways.

He insisted on paying when the check came and I insisted he let me leave the tip. It was the least I could do, considering I didn't plan on seeing him again. "Do you have anywhere to be right now?" He asked me as we strolled from the restaurant.

I looked up at his face and smiled. He was fun and it radiated from deep inside him somewhere. "The night is ours. What did you have in mind?"

He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the cool sand. "Beach walk. Take off your shoes," he said pointing down to my cowboy boots.

I obliged and followed him down the beach. The sand sifted through my toes and stuck to my ankles that had been covered by my boots all day. Our shadows danced around in front of us as we walked almost parallel to the moon.

"You do know we aren't supposed to be here after dark, right?"

He fell to his ass and pulled me down alongside him. "When the cops come kick us off the beach, we'll leave."

"Brilliant plan. I'm impressed." I rolled my eyes although he couldn't see in the dim lighting.

"I haven't done this in so long,"Damon announced after a few minutes of just our breathing. "I used to come down here a lot and just listen to the surf coming in over and over. It's calming."

I admired him through the corner of my eye. "It's relaxing. I love it here."

"I like you, Elena."

I whipped my head to my right and met his gaze. He looked away but I still stared, suddenly worried about leading him on. "Damon, I…I should tell you I'm not looking for anything serious. I can't really commit to anything."

He gave me a challenging look, his jaw set in determination. "I just want to get to know you. I'm not asking you to marry me." He laughed in disbelief but I did not.

There wasn't any way he could know so it was left for me to tell him. I'd lost many friends due to the reality of my life but my days were numbered and I didn't want a half assed friend anyway. Damon, well…I really liked him and that made my admission so much harder.

"I can't offer you anything outside of friendship because it won't be fair to you when I go." I looked down at the blue tinted sand.

"When you go?"

I nodded slowly. "I'm sick...and I'm not gonna get better. Terminal, is the big bad word all my doctors use."

Damon's breath left him in one big _whoosh_ and I felt guilty. I felt guilty every time I had to tell someone they would eventually lose me but maybe I'd told him soon enough. Maybe I had headed off any future life altering decisions at the pass by laying it all out there.

"You...wait, I-" He stumbled over his words for a beat before recovering. "Is that why you're pushing me away?"

"Who knows how long I have. Trust me, this isn't something you want to burden yourself with, Damon." I felt detached from the conversation and it made everything seem less real. "I'm sorry."

He stood and brushed the sand from his legs and shorts. I watched as he stretched his arms and clasped them behind his head. "I'm sorry? Really? You can't tell me you're _dying_ and then say I'm _sorry_ like knowing you despite all of this would be an inconvenience. I don't know what else to say, Elena. I'm in shock."

"Can you try to see my side of things here? We don't know one another and I'm trying to save you the time and effort of trying."

"I'm not angry but I'm upset." His finger pointed at me and then toward the sand. "That's my choice to make, just so you know." With that, he turned and walked off toward the surf. I watched his back as he went. The loose sand flew up from the heels of his feet with each determined step he took.

* * *

 ** _This story is a complete departure from the usual. I wrote this so long ago but recently redeveloped it for Damon and Elena because I love this story, and I love them. Either way, I hope you all feel the same. Thanks for letting me share it with you. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. 3_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sorry for the delay! Ninety percent of this story is already written but it requires A LOT of editing. Sometimes I get behind, BUT I won't stop updating. Have no fear. With that said, I've spent a lot of time researching Elena's illness...so much so that it makes my head spin. I don't claim to be an expert on the subject and I may make mistakes. Just keep that in mind. Oh, and thank you for the amazing response this story has gotten after ONE chapter! I'm touched.**_

 _ **Please enjoy!**_

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

To say I didn't sleep well the night Damon found out I was sick would be an understatement. It really bothered me that I had to put that weight on his shoulders. Being sick was a burden that I wanted to bear alone and for good reason. Maybe, if I had access to better doctors or a bottomless pit of money I would be motivated to try harder, to fight. Besides, we hardly knew one another and if I gave him a way out right away he wouldn't be so devastated when I was gone.

My mother didn't exactly agree with my habit of holding people at arm's length. "Lena, baby…why are you so out of it this morning?"

I'd just told my mother I wouldn't be going down to the boardwalk with her. I was tired and I used that as an excuse to get out of working. "I'm just tired mom, I'll be fine. I'll get some things done around here."

She brushed my hair back from my face and kissed my forehead. "This doesn't have anything to do with that boy does it?"

I scrubbed at my face with both hands. "No…maybe. Mom, I went to dinner with him last night."

Her face warmed and she sat down in the chair across from me. "You told him?"

Nodding, I sipped at the mug of coffee that was far from warm. "I thought it was best. He's a good person."

"You're a good person too, Elena." She grabbed my hand and held it in between both of hers. "Everyone leaves this Earth sooner or later but it doesn't mean you have to live in a bubble."

Tears burned in the corners of my eyes. My mother handled me being sick better than I did. She'd been my biggest supporter, just like she'd been for my dad. When I'd made the choice to stop treatment and face my fate head on, she didn't bat an eye. When I'd cried for days after my oncologist labeled me terminal, she gave me her usual smile and told me everything would be alright. "Mom, I don't think it's fair to lead him on. So now he knows."

"I won't tell you how to spend your time, but you'll see. You'll see that you need more people in your life. I think you will find that most are willing to love you all the way to the end."

I watched my mother gather her keys and leave the house. Her dress flared out behind her as she walked with a quick gate. The door clicked shut and I was alone. I swept my eyes around our small house, taking everything in. It was tragic that I was condensing all my hopes and dreams into such a hectic time frame, but I didn't _know_ when it would all end. I just knew that it would.

Wiping my face I stood, refusing to be bogged down with my own personal pity party. Internally, I blamed my whole mood on Damon. I had been the epitome of positive attitudes until he came along and I suspected it was because I _really_ liked him. I turned the small radio on that sat in the middle of our kitchen table and began to clean. Something about cleaning always brightened my mood. I felt like I was wiping away all the bad feelings to see the good underneath and it cleared my head. Hours passed, though I didn't know how many but by the time I heard the knock at the front door most of the house was spotless.

I swung the door open, dust rag still dangling from my right hand. "This is a surprise." I blew some stray hair out of my face and stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind me.

"Your mother gave me the address, I hope you don't mind." Damon stood before me, his hand shoved deep in the pocket of his shorts. A very rambunctious dog was doing his best to sit still next to him.

I shook my head no. "I don't mind. I'm just really surprised to see you. I thought for sure I cemented our fate last night."

He looked slightly uncomfortable but never stopped looking me directly in the eyes. "Listen, Elena. That's why I came by actually. I have something I want to say about that and I hope you'll give me the chance. Just hear me out."

"Damon, I'm not shutting you out. I'll hear whatever it is you need to say..." And I would. I meant that, but it didn't mean I was going to change my mind easily.

"You tried to push me away last night. I understand that but like I said, it's my decision. Maybe I like spending time with you. You wouldn't deny me or yourself a good friend just because you're sick would you?"

I shifted on my bare feet. "It's…just really not that simple, okay?"

Damon's dog stood up and started to bounce around. "It is that simple." He placed a hand on each of my shoulders and leaned in a little closer. "I barely know you and I get that but I wanna get to _know_ you. You being sick is just a minor annoyance."

I frowned despite myself. I should have been angry that he suggested my being sick was an annoyance but I couldn't find it in my heart to even be slightly annoyed. He was really determined to carve a place for himself in my life. My mother's speech from that morning sat at the edge of my mind, glaring hatefully as I considered telling Damon it was a bad idea to start a friendship. "Okay," I sighed. "I suppose as long as you know up front what you're getting into that I can't stop you from wanting to be my friend." His dog bounced on her front feet and I scratched the top of her head. "Who's this?" I'd never caved faster.

Damon smiled and dropped his hands from my shoulders. "This is Journey. She likes new people." He leaned down to Journey's level. "Don't ya girl? You love new friends." He made a big show of ruffling her coat and she bit playfully at his fingers.

"She's really cute," I said, admiring his love for the dog.

"We're actually headed to the boardwalk. Did you want to come along?"I stared at the dust rag in my hand. "Unless you have things to do, that is..." He wrapped Journey's leash tightly around his fist and started for the screen door on the porch.

"You know, I need to get out. I can clean another time." I tossed the rag in the door, grabbed my keys and followed him down the sidewalk to the street.

We walked in silence, side by side. Journey practically skipped along in front of us, smelling everything her nose came in contact with. The air was heavy with heat and I could almost taste the salt from the ocean. It was surprising to me how I automatically committed every detail to memory, and how easily I faced all the impending doom, for lack of a better term. I wanted to enjoy everything life was offering me and suddenly I was extremely happy that I hadn't sent Damon away.

"You okay?"

I laughed and shook my head. I'd almost forgotten where I was. "I'm fine, just thinking."

"Well, I happen to be a professional listener." He smiled, aiming those dimples right at me.

"I was just thinking about how salty the air tastes. I never noticed before." It sounded silly but the look on his face told me he didn't think so.

He stopped walking and turned toward the ocean. "Have you ever noticed how the sand smells when the sun heats it up?"

"No," I answered with a warm heart. "What does it smell like? Tell me?"

"It smells like coconuts and suntan lotion," He answered with a grin and a wink.

"I thought for sure you'd say it smelled like ass."

"Oh but see, I knew you were expecting me to say that so I recalculated my game and came in from a different angle."

I snapped my fingers and did my best to look disappointed. "Well I guess I'm not as good as I thought at reading people."

Damon laughed. "I'm glad you gave me my ten dollars back!"

I shoved his right shoulder in mock annoyance. We grew silent and Journey was growing bored so we began to walk again. My mother was right as usual. Damon was a good guy and he just wanted the chance to know me. I wasn't in any position to deny anyone anything for obvious reasons.

"So…do you mind me asking-"

"What I've got?"

He nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Yeah...what's your damage?"

"Well," I sighed but laughed, "Lymphoma. I was in remission for a long time...years, but last summer it came back. Mom and I were struggling to pay my dad's medical bills still and they couldn't guarantee chemo would do anything beyond giving me a little more time." I cleared my throat, trying to rid the emotions building in my voice. "So, I decided to refuse treatment. They offered me a trial spot for a new radiation...I refused. It's not realistic."

"Wow, Elena. I don't know what to say to that." He gave me a sad smile, which was what usually happened but he didn't push the issue. He didn't accuse me of giving up or ask me why I didn't go for the treatment regardless of cost. It was...different.

I had seen every reaction a person could have. Everyone usually had an opinion but in the end it was my life, or the end of it, and I would live as I saw fit. My mom always says I'm living with an illness and I'd never agreed more with those words than that moment, walking in the afternoon sun with my new friend.

"I'm not afraid or anything like that. I feel great now and that's what I'm concentrating on."

Damon nodded in agreement. "So do you have a list…things you want to do before you go? I guess you could call it a bucket list. Things to do before you kick the bucket."

I cringed slightly, but eventually grinned and shook my head. If I were honest with myself, I hadn't thought that far ahead. "How sensitive of you, Damon," I offered sarcastically.

"Shit…yeah, maybe I should have said that differently." He stopped and grabbed me by both shoulders again. "I just had the best idea, Elena." I just stared as he held me tightly in place. "Don't you have things that you've always wanted to do? I mean, there has to be things you want to do before-"

"Before I kick the bucket," I said giggling uncontrollably.

Damon released me with a smart ass look on his face. "Okay, yes I know that's a stupidly offensive term but it's the best I had at the moment. This is all new territory for me." He released me and put his hands on his hips.

"I'm sorry." I tried my best to catch my breath. "Really, I think you have a wonderful idea. Really."

He stood back and waited for my breathing to return to normal. "Let's make a deal, right here and now. We'll shake on it."

"All right," I nodded. "I'll play your game."

He grinned. Those dimples would be the death of me…if I hadn't already been dying. "I mean every word. We can start today. Tell me one thing you want to do that you haven't already." He held out his hand for me to shake. "Deal?"

I took a deep breath and took his hand. "Deal."

"Okay, lay it on me."

I took Journey's leash and started to walk again. "Since we're really doing this…I've been meaning to get a tattoo." I looked up at him bashfully as we fell into step alongside one another.

"A tattoo it is then." Damon didn't even blink as he steered us into the next tattoo shop along Venice Beach.

I explained to the artist exactly what I wanted and he disappeared into the back room to make a stencil and work out a price. I watched Journey, tied to the light pole in front of the shop while Damon looked through the artist's book.

"I've got this," he said out of nowhere.

"The tattoo?" I asked confused, trying to look over his shoulder.

"No," he chuckled. "I'm paying for the tattoo and don't argue because you won't win."

I picked at my fingernails. "I appreciate that."

"I know you do." He handed the man, who had just returned, a credit card without even letting me hear the price. "I'll be outside keeping Journey company."

"That your boyfriend?" The tattoo artist asked as I settled into his chair.

"Oh, no he's just a friend. We're new friends." I felt myself blush at the thought of Damon and I together.

"Could've fooled me," the man mumbled over the din of the tattoo gun.

An hour later I was the proud owner of one very brightly colored Poppy tattoo. It sat right next to my hip bone and I couldn't stop admiring it in the mirror. I let the man bandage it up before I found Damon out front and motioned him in to get his card back.

"How did it go?" He asked as he signed the sales receipt and thanked the guy.

"It stung a little but…I feel really good about this." Getting my first tattoo was such a small change in my life but I felt fantastic. I felt alive. The feeling of accomplishing something you'd always wanted to do was like a natural high.

"I got you something while you were in there getting inked like a badass," he said pulling a drawstring bag from his pocket.

"Don't you want to see what the tattoo looks like?"

He shook his head and handed me the small cloth bag. "It's yours, just like what's in this bag." He smiled evilly and I began to wonder what I would find in that small blue pouch.

I pulled the top apart and pulled out a fine gold chain with a 'D' charm hanging from the end. "You know, my name starts with a 'E'."

He laughed and put the necklace around my neck. "And mine starts with a 'D'. They were all out of 'E's."

"Seriously, Damon?" I rolled my eyes and held the charm between my thumb and index finger to get a better look at it. "What do I say when someone asks me why I have a 'D' hanging around my neck?"

"Tell them that The Jewelry Box in Venice needs to order better stock in the letter E."

I smirked and began to walk back in the direction of my house. Damon fell in step beside me along with Journey. "Thank you again…for the tattoo, the necklace. For everything."

Damon sighed and looked down at the cement, watching his feet. "Elena, I just hope you know I didn't do any of those things out of guilt or because you're…because you're, _sick_."

"Hey," I grabbed his arm to stop him from walking. "I know you didn't. It's nice to just live and have someone else living with me for once. It's gonna be nice having a friend."

He looked down at my hand holding his arm and I released him. He smiled warmly. "Don't mention it. It's not every day a guy meets a girl like you."

I looked away toward the afternoon sun. "So, what do you think I should try and accomplish next?"

"It's your list."

"I know it's my list but you put this whole idea into motion. I say you should help me choose things to do."

We continued to walk and it wasn't until I was on my street and could see my house that Damon responded to me. "Alright, I can figure out a few things if that's what you want," He said as we approached the steps and he opened the screen door on the porch for me.

"Yeah," I nodded, letting the door close softly. I stared at Damon through the screen. "I think seeing life through your eyes would be very interesting so you pick our next adventure."

"Okay then…Listen, I had a good time today. Don't be a stranger." He dug into his pocket and pulled out a ragged piece of paper. I opened the door so he could hand it to me. "Here's my number."

"Thanks," I called as he and Journey walked away.

The house was extra warm when I unlocked the door and let myself in. The central air was acting up as usual. I thought about Damon as I walked around the house, opening all the available windows. He was quickly turning out to be just what I needed to keep myself sane. I sat down at the kitchen table and just let the events of the day wash over me. For the first time in a long while I felt the pathetic gnawing of sadness. It was one of the reasons I didn't want to let Damon into my life in the first place.

The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint anyone but I'd cemented my future already. Damon was involved and I'd quickly become far too selfish to push him away. I eyed a pen and envelope for the electric bill sitting where my mother had left it that morning. I pulled them over to me and wrote down the top five things I wanted to accomplish before I died.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Elena, this isn't a good idea. I know you're an adult but I just don't agree with you on this one."

I inhaled through my nose and exhaled through my mouth. My breath passed through my chapped lips and burned just slightly. I snatched my chap stick from the vanity in my room and sighed. "Mom, this is something I want to do and there's no changing my mind." I sounded juvenile. We both knew it but pointing it out would've been a waste of time and energy.

"That boy has gone and filled your head with all these ideas. You've got no business running around, letting him throw money at you like rice at a wedding." She gave me a stern look as I stepped out of my room and shut the door behind me.

Just a week ago she was praising Damon's existence - my how things change. "Mom, please." I walked to her and pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm sorry I can't work the booth today; I know you're angry. Just let me go this once…" I pouted for good measure.

She looked torn. "I love you," she said, placing a kiss on my forehead. "I just don't want you leaving this earth any earlier than need be."

I smiled and smoothed my hair back away from my face. "You make it seem like I'm living life on a schedule. I have no expiration date, remember?" I made my eyebrows rise and fall, an amused look on my features. "I'm gonna ride this train all the way to the station."

"I know, but isn't there something else you two can do? You and him have been nonstop for a week like you've got to fit everything under the sun in. You're going to wear yourself out honey." She was really wound up, judging by the lack of reaction to my use of my dad's favorite saying.

She was right; I did need to slow down. I had let Damon infiltrate my well guarded life, my fortress and he was breaking me down from the inside out. It sounded far worse than it really was. In reality I adored Damon. He made me laugh until I cried and there was never a dull moment. He was _the_ best friend I had and probably the very _last_ best friend I would ever have.

I heard a horn blow out front. I grabbed my jacket and purse before kissing my mother. "This is the last for this week, promise," I called back as I ran through the front door.

Damon grinned at me as I hopped into his car and hit the button for the window. "Are you ready for this?" He asked, adjusting his sunglasses.

"I'm terrified."

"We're out of our minds. You know this right?" He chuckled and maneuvered his car onto the freeway.

I turned in the seat, my mouth gaping. "Damon! You set this up and even you think it's crazy!"

"Hey, sky diving is extreme."

"My mother thinks you're trying to take me out early." I laughed at the ridiculous sounding statement.

Skydiving had never been on my list of things to do but apparently it was on Damon's. He invited me along, claiming that it would be exhilarating. I was scared and my stomach was in my throat but I couldn't help but feel that twinge of excitement as we pulled up to the hanger where our instructor was waiting. Damon and I had known each other for one week and I was about to jump out of a plane with him.

"Do you really think we should be doing this? I mean…I lied on the application. I said I have no health problems. What if something happens to me?"

Damon chuckled but kept on walking. "You can't back out now, Elena. You only live once. We're doing this."

A groan escaped before I could stop it but it only amused Damon further. He wasn't going to let me back out. We were quickly trained, suited up and before I knew it I was strapped to an instructor from LA Skydiving. Damon sat across from me, smiling. My throat felt dry but I smiled through my terror. There was a layer of sweat forming along my back where I was buckled to the man I would jump with.

"I think I might pass out," I called to him over the buzz of the engines.

He reached across the aisle and squeezed my knee lightly. "I promise that this is the most extreme thing we'll do. If we can do this than we can do anything."

The confident smile settled my nerves slightly. I tried to calm my heart rate by breathing deeply and evenly. "I trust you."

We reached our altitude quickly. My reality moved in extreme slow motion as I watched Damon wink at me and then free fall into nothingness. My partner and I jumped directly after but the details were lost as the wind hit my face and I looked down below me for the first time. My body felt weightless and I wondered if dying was anything like jumping from a plane. All the correct emotions were there; uncertainty, fear and then the feeling of total freedom. At least, that's how I imagined death.

I met Damon on the ground where we tackled one another with hugs and laughter. Exhilaration was such a new feeling to me and I couldn't thank him enough for helping me experience that for the first time.

"I'm only suggesting that your ideas are safe. That's all." Damon raised his hands in defeat as I walked past him into the restaurant.

"Oh please. People have died from eating bad sushi. You can get _worms_. I'm risking my life here." I followed the hostess to our table.

He shook his head and pulled my chair out for me. "Okay, so you wanted to eat sushi for the first time and this is the best place in Los Angeles."

I looked around, admiring the fancy surroundings. The silverware probably cost more than everything I owned. I picked up the menu and looked over the selections. Damon and I hadn't crossed anything off my mental list since the sky diving. I had to admit, the skydiving changed something inside of me and I wasn't sure if it was good or bad. The dimpled guy sitting across from me had managed to become such a priority in my life without me even realizing. The scary part was we barely knew one another. The more time went on, the more I wanted to know everything about him. I focused less on the time I had left and more on what I did while I was able.

"Let's go to the beach tonight," I said, still looking over the menu.

He looked at me curiously. "Whatever you want."

"Can you order for me?"

"Are you sure about that? You might not like what I like."

"Damon, it's raw fish. I'm not sure I'll like anything on this menu. I don't think it matters who orders it."

"You get points for trying."

I looked at him curiously. "And what exactly do the points buy me? Do I get a catalog to order from?"

"The points are only for show but I'll buy you a soft pretzel from that place you like."

I shook my head and pulled a pen from my purse so I could doodle on the napkin as he ordered our food. I drew little hearts and a very detailed stick person. I was halfway through a skyscraper when Damon spoke up again.

"Can I ask you something, Elena?"

I stopped in the middle of drawing a window and set the pen down on the table. "Absolutely."

He circled the straw around his glass once before taking a drink and a breath. "You would tell me if I crossed any lines, right? I mean I don't want to make you uncomfortable in any way."

"Crossed any lines? I'm not sure I understand."

"Well…I feel like I forced you into this friendship and the more time we spend together the more I notice that I've sort of caused a rift between you and your mother."

It seemed odd that he would think he had caused bad blood between my mother and me. She and I got along just the same. She wasn't too happy about all the time I missed at the stand after being there every day for over a year. Still, there was no rift.

"You're being silly. My mother and I are just fine." I scoffed just to confirm for him how ridiculous I thought his statement was.

The server came with our sushi as he was about to respond but the look on my face distracted him. "You were the one who wanted to try sushi."

My nose scrunched up and I felt like vomiting all over the table so I could only imagine how that translated to my facial expression. He was right; it was something I'd wanted to try for so long. Nodding, so he knew I wasn't ignoring him I lifted my chop sticks from the table and broke them apart. Slowly I placed the smallest piece of tuna roll onto my tongue and chewed. It was moderately unpleasant.

"This is shit," I whispered, trying to drink enough soda to wipe the taste from my mouth.

Damon laughed just as he drank his own drink, spitting lemonade all over the table. We sat silently for a moment before erupting into laughter once again.

"Soft pretzels," We said simultaneously.

The night was falling quickly all around us as Damon drove toward Venice. He parked his car at my house and we walked together to the boardwalk. I was starving by the time we got in line for pretzels so he ordered me two. When I had a pretzel in each hand we walked toward the beach and down to the ocean, just like we had the night I'd told him I was sick. We hadn't really had a serious conversation since that night but it seemed that the beach just drew it out of us. Of course it could have been the protection of the darkness that enveloped you once the lights from the boardwalk faded behind the palm trees or the rushing of the waves that seemed to almost drown out the tone of anyone's voice who didn't halfway yell.

"Thank you for the pretzel," I offered, "and the sushi that you'll be eating for days."

"You're welcome." He crinkled the paper to his own pretzel and shoved it in his pocket.

"The moon is bright." I was doing my best to keep the conversation from going uncomfortable.

Damon plucked a broken shell from the sand and tossed it toward the waves. "Elena, are you scared?"

It didn't matter how strong or optimistic I was - talking about the end of my life would never get any easier. "I was terrified at first but it's like I went through stages. Denial was the worst of them if you ask me."

"And now?" The concern in his voice was endearing, especially for someone who barely knew me.

"Now…I'm not so scared anymore." I smiled at him despite the lack of lighting. "I feel fine. I feel _normal_."

"I think you have a good heart and I appreciate that about you."

His admission was so honest, so absolutely heartfelt I almost burst into tears. For a moment I didn't know what to say to him in return. My vocal chords had gone numb with shock and probably a piece of pretzel I didn't chew well enough.

"I don't know what to say other than thank you. I can't imagine being on the other side of things and watching someone slowly fade away."

His hand made contact with my cheek and it startled me because I couldn't see it coming. He moved my long hair away from my face and back over my shoulder. "The world will be such a dull place without you."

I laughed because I believed him to be joking. "You barely know me, Damon, and I barely know you."

He pulled my head down to rest on his shoulder. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how amazing you are."

My neck began to ache so I laid back in the sand to stare off into the night sky. He joined me. "This is odd, the friendship we have."

"It is but why question it?" He turned his head toward me and smiled. "Can I ask about your tattoo?"

I giggled. "But you said it was mine."

"I know…I'm more curious about you today than I was last week."

"It's a poppy. It stands for-"

"Eternal life and love," Damon finished my thought for me.

"That's right. It also happens to be my mother's nickname, Poppy. I figured it was fitting since she's going to outlive my father and me." The sad tone I despised crept into my voice, causing it to waver a bit. I wiped the stray tears that had managed to sneak up on me away.

"I won't always know what to say or do." He admitted.

"Damon, _I_ won't always know what to say or do." I sniffed and sat up, curling my arms around my knees. "That's the beauty of the unknown; surprises around every corner."

"Kind of like skydiving…"

"And the tuna roll."

We laughed easily, breaking from the somber moment quickly. Neither one of us knew what to do or say but that seemed to be the general issue with our friendship. I had dealt with my fate as a singular being but I hadn't thought about how things would go if someone else were added to the mix. In a way, Damon was the proverbial guinea pig and no matter the events that unfolded between us, I would be gone in the end.

* * *

 _ **This was a short one...but still just as good in my opinion. I'm so touched by the response to this story and I'm awful at answering reviews but I read every one. Thank you!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Damon and I had managed to stay friends for two months and things were only beginning to get interesting.

I was always what most people would consider a good girl and I always listened to the advice my mother gave me. The thought of challenging anything my parents taught me was sort of taboo but then again we were from the south. I was raised to respect everyone around me. Something was different with me, though, and it had been growing since I'd met Damon. This...thing, inside me wasn't bad or good, it was just the feeling that I was doing what I should be. It was satisfaction. Unfortunately, my mother was so confused and hurt by my refusal to be complacent that we hadn't been seeing eye to eye.

Damon pushed me to be more and do more. He made me want to live just by being himself and if that wasn't the biggest miracle I'd see in my lifetime, well, then I was a lucky woman. Before his friendship, I _was_ okay with coasting through every day without trying. But now? That was outright unacceptable. I was getting my fight back.

"Just take a look in the mirror Elena, please? You look sick and I'm just worried about you."

"Mom, I'm fine. I feel fine and if I look sick it's because I'm _sick_." I shook my head in disbelief.

"I don't mind if you'd rather spend time with your friend, Damon. That's not the issue here." My mother bustled around the kitchen while she scolded me. "You are an adult and can spend your time however you want."

I began to gather my things from around the living room. "You're double talking, mom," I called.

She appeared in the doorway with tears in her eyes. "Can you just stand in my shoes for once Elena? Just take it all in and imagine how I must feel?"

I spun around, pissed at my mother for the first time. "Take a walk in your shoes? How about you take a walk in mine, mom. I'll never have children; I'll never get married or move out of this place if we're gonna go there!"

She recoiled as if I'd slapped her across the face but unfortunately for us both I wasn't done.

"I have to leave everything behind and I have no choice so excuse me if I spend my time just being happy." I took a deep breath and made my way to the front door. "I'm going to Damon's."

I walked to the bus stop with my bag slung over my shoulder and fell down on the thick plastic seat - hard. I had never spoken to my mother in that way. I hadn't ever behaved that way in my life. She placed blame often but then again, so did I. I fanned my face and tried to calm down before the bus came. Upset was the last thing I wanted to be when I got to his place.

The more time moved past me, the more I began to notice things I had previously overlooked. I had a happy childhood with great parents and a nice home. Sure, my mom was eccentric and something of a modern day hippy but I loved her. The same went for my dad. That being said, there were things I missed out on because I coulda, shoulda, woulda taken the chance. I surveyed the interior of the bus when it stopped and I climbed on. The seats were filled in random spots and everyone was looking forward. I vowed silently that I would not let the slow loss of my health bring me down. That night, everything would begin to change.

Damon met me at his front gate with an excited smile. I could only half grimace in return.

"Whoa, what's going on with you?" He asked, concerned. "I don't think I've ever seen this expression on your face before. Why the Debbie Downer get up?"

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "My mom and I had an argument; I'll be fine."

"You and your mother never argue. Is everything alright?" He wrapped an arm around me and led me to his car. "C'mon, tell your bestie everything," Damon said with a wiggle of his brows.

I spun to face him with a grin on my face. "Let's go to that party you were telling me about."

Damon laughed and took my bag from my shoulder. He placed it in the trunk, thinking about what I'd just asked. "You want to go to a party? Elena, you do realize this party is notorious, right? Lots of no names looking to sleep with big names and move up in La La Land."

"Maybe I want to be notorious. I'd like to have a drink, it's on my list." It wasn't really on my list but I'd just added it right then.

We'd talked about the party in the Hills a few days before and neither Damon nor I was into that scene but since my life changing epiphany on the bus, I didn't want to miss out. There would be alcohol, music and probably cameras.

"So I'm assuming you are dodging the facts surrounding the fight with your mother then? Okay...in that case, promise me you won't have sex with more than five people. At once."

I nodded, pretending to consider his statement. "She's just being overprotective and I can't promise anything. I'm turning over a new leaf. The 'new' Elena does what she feels."

"I don't normally go to parties like this," he admitted, ignoring what I'd said and getting into the driver's seat. "This should be an adventure."

"That's precisely what I'm hoping for." I clasped my hand over his when he moved to shift the engine into gear. "I appreciate this Damon."

He smirked, exposing his right dimple and chuckled. "I can't deny a dying woman's last wish."

"How pathetic," I teased. "You tell me I can go to a party but I can't have an orgy? What if that was on my bucket list?"

"I'm telling you right now," He started, laughing. "If for one second I thought you were actually being serious I would turn this car around right now, take you back to my place, and show you why you really only need one man. _Me._ " Damon winked at me and I could only roll my eyes.

The car wound through the steep hills and turns expertly. My long hair caught the wind and blew lightly through the open window. I admired the lights covering every inch of earth below us. I felt alive; being with Damon and his easy nature made me feel alive. Just the feeling of my heart beating with rhythm in my chest was comforting. It reminded me that I was still real.

We turned a corner halfway up the hill and pulled up to a driveway blocked by an electric gate. Photographers snapped photos as I ducked and Damon waved politely and called up to the house. It felt like an eternity but the gate swung open with ease and we drove through.

"Still sure about this?" He asked, opening my door for me and helping me out.

I surveyed my clothes, happy with my choice. "Oh I'm sure; let's go." I grabbed his hand and led him inside.

The house was filled with bodies and music, thumping through the walls and people. Damon left me next to the drinks and went off to find his friend, the owner of the house. I studied the different liquors and decided I was going to have my first drink. I'd never tried alcohol but there was a first time for everything or so I'd been learning. Spending most of your life being sick had held me back from a lot of things - not that drinking was important. It was more a right of passage.

The bartender winked at me and slid a napkin my way. He asked me what I wanted and I froze with indecision. My brain scrambled to think of a cocktail I knew the name of but when I couldn't, I just pointed to the tequila. Then I ordered two, just in case.

"Patron? Really, 'Lena?" Damon laughed behind me. "You have never had a drink and you choose tequila?"

"I ordered one for you," I said sheepishly.

"Oh no," he took a shot glass and handed it to me. "I have a good feeling I'll need to be the designated driver."

Tequila tasted awful. It burned against my throat and all the way down. The second shot wasn't any easier to handle than the first. Damon laughed the entire time. "You're supposed to be moral support, you ass!"

"That's why I'm going to get you a martini or something girly." He took the empty shot glasses and turned around to set them on the bar and order the new drink.

When offered I took it from him gingerly, sipping easily at the side of the glass. "Wow, that's really good."

He grinned and led me away from the bar by the elbow.

Damon let me mingle and have fun. He never once tried to tell me how to act or to think about my health. I was so sick of being told to take care of myself that I wanted to scream. I'd been afraid to do things because I didn't want to send myself into some downward spiral of death when in reality I should have been enjoying the freedom my body was still allowing me.

I lost track of what I was drinking and in reality I hadn't drank that much but my head was fuzzy and I felt lighter. My hips were developing a mind of their own and started to sway to the music pulsing through the house. I hunted Damon with my eyes as he bounced back and forth between two people who seemed to be entertained by whatever he was saying. When he finally noticed my stare I smiled and he politely excused himself. I sat my empty glass on the black marble behind me and met him halfway.

My hips continued their swaying to the newest beat. I didn't have any expectations; I just wanted to dance. Of course, everything changed when I felt Damon's hands softly grasping either hip, keeping up with the momentum I'd begun. My heart sped up. I didn't know I could dance like that and by the look on his face, it hadn't ever crossed Damon's mind either.

I tossed my head back and laughed.

He leaned forward and swept his nose against my exposed neck. I shivered in response to the sudden presence of feelings I'd never felt. We continued to dance and slowly I built the nerve to wrap my arms around his neck and press myself against him. I could feel the alcohol warming me from the inside out and fueling the bold behavior. I backed away from the middle of the room toward the wall. Damon followed willingly, his hands still holding firm at my hips. The pressure of his thumbs on my hip bones was heavenly.

"What are we doing?" He whispered just above the music, in my ear.

I felt the wall supporting me and released my hold on his neck. "We're dancing," I replied in a breathy tone. "Don't you like to dance?"

"Oh, I like dancing," he said with a quiet laugh. "I _really_ like dancing."

His breath danced, much like us, along my neck where beads of sweat had begun to form. I sighed and pulled him tighter against me. "Well then stop talking and dance with me," I insisted.

He pressed his forehead against mine with an intense look in his eyes. "You're officially drunk."

I giggled and grabbed his face with both my hands. "I'm superwoman right now. Nothing can bring me down."

Damon grabbed my right wrist with his left hand and moved my hand until his lips met my palm. He never once broke our intense eye contact, the blue of his irises darkening. My body responded naturally to his intimate touch and I found myself wondering what was going on.

"Drunk and happy looks good on you," he said calmly.

"Are you going to take advantage of me?" I laughed and pressed his chest lightly.

He shook his head from side to side. "I'll never make you do something you don't want to do."

"Except for sky diving," I said totally under Damon's spell.

"Except for sky diving." He grabbed my other hand and kissed my palm.

"I feel like I'm sky diving right now, without a parachute." Words were just tumbling from my mouth before I had the chance to censor them.

"I'll catch you, Elena...never worry about that," He murmured, his face holding emotions I didn't know how to read.

Around us, the party raged on but we were deaf and blind to it all. The heat from his hands kept my focus on our nearness and I fought against the urge to moan. Instead I rolled my neck, head pressed against the wall, hips pressed closer against his. "Damon, I-"

He shook his head lazily to cut me off and I swallowed roughly, wetting my lips that had somehow gone dry. The devious look in his eyes thrilled me to no end so there was no objection when he pulled me into the throng of other people dancing, slung my arms around his neck and began to sway slowly.

Nothing could have ruined that moment. _Nothing._

* * *

Somewhere there was a coffee maker brewing coffee and I wanted some. My mouth felt like the Mojave on a summer day and my stomach was struggling not to reverse whatever I'd put there the night before. I rolled over with a groan and realized that I was not in my own bed. I cracked an eye, terrified of what I would see.

I was alone - in Damon's bed.

Slowly I slid the covers off and stood myself upright. I let the room stop its spinning before stumbling out of the door and toward the smell of fresh coffee. I was still wearing the same clothes from the night before which was slightly embarrassing but something told me I should be glad I had clothes on at all.

The kitchen was also empty aside from a note scrawled on the back of an Edison electric bill.

 _Elena_ _,_

 _Went for a run with the dog. There's coffee._

 _Damon_

I released the breath I'd been holding and let the note drop back to the counter. I fixed myself a cup of coffee and sat at the breakfast bar to wait for Damon to come home. My head was pounding but the uncomfortable ache in my stomach was starting to drown that out. I probably shouldn't have been drinking but I hadn't been in treatment for a while and letting go had felt so damn good.

Suddenly, I felt nauseous and hurriedly set the coffee mug down on the counter and ran to the bathroom. The cool floor felt good against my feverish skin so I lay down against the tile. I could hear the dog running through the house sometime later. All concept of time was lost to me. Damon called my name but I didn't answer. It felt like my arms and legs were lead.

"Elena?" He finally found me with concern in those light blue eyes.

I cried lightly when he knelt next to me and pressed his hand to my face. "I'm sorry," I squeaked.

"Here, sit up," he instructed and helped me sit up against the wall. "You're so pale. Has this happened before?"

I shook my head. I was worried that maybe I was dying and would do so in Damon's bathroom floor. In my day old clothes. With Journey the dog breathing dog breath in my face.

"Sit right here, I'm calling an ambulance."

He was pacing in the hall outside of the bathroom on his cell phone before I could protest or tell him to just call my mom. Somewhere in the mild chaos, I must've blacked out because when my eyes opened again, it was in response to a strange man calling my name. He asked question after question that I couldn't answer. Nothing seemed to make sense outside of the warm hand holding mine so tight that I knew immediately it was Damon. My head rolled heavily to look in his direction, eyes blinking slowly.

"I'm right here," he said in a panicked tone. "I called your mom, okay? Stay with me, 'Lena."

 _I'll stay. Of course I will. For you._

And then everything went black...again.

* * *

 _ **I've had amazing feedback on this story. I absolutely love it when you tell me your thoughts on this and I do try to take them into consideration. Someone mentioned that they couldn't really see Elena in my version which is exactly how it should be in these early chapters. Damon will help bring her character to the surface after years of denying herself. And to be fair, I have taken a lot of liberties. This story is pretty AU.**_

 _ **Either way, thank you so much for reading and sharing your reactions with me!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

It felt like I was floating. I was weightless yet I could feel the warm sand underneath me. The waves crashed and the tepid, salty air invaded my nose before I really knew what the smell was. Slowly, I opened my eyes and realized I was alone. The beach was completely empty and it dawned on me that I was dreaming - I had to be.

I stood, wiping the sand from my sundress while I looked from one end of the beach to the other. A sigh escaped my lips as I walked through the sand toward the ocean. My bare feet catapulted the tiny grains out behind me just like Damon's had the night I'd told him I was sick. My heart clenched at the thought. Maybe I was dead.

The waves continued to crash, leaving a dull ringing in my ears as the current pulled the water in reverse. A flash of something blue caught my eye and I ran toward the object being beaten by the salty water. My hand dove into the water, which had returned and soaked my dress to the knees, before I could stop. It was a blue umbrella but not the highly technical kind. The handle was wooden and worn where who knows how many hands had caressed the curve. I could feel the smile on my face as I untied the loose knot holding the folds of bright blue material closed and opened the umbrella.

It opened with a rush of fabric and leftover sea water. The sun was blocked instantly as water rained down lightly onto my hair and face. I laughed and raised my hand to intercept the blue streaks the sun created through the material. It was raining inside the umbrella.

Somewhere behind me I could hear voices. The smile slowly left my face as I remembered that I wasn't where I needed to be - I wasn't where I was supposed to be. The wind gusted from behind me, yanking the umbrella from my grasp. I frowned as it floated out to sea.

My body began to feel heavy and rather quickly I realized I wasn't dead; I was alive.

"Do you think she'll gain consciousness soon?" I heard my mother ask someone, probably a doctor.

"She'll be fine, considering." The deep voice responded.

I wiggled a finger on my right hand. I tried to lift my entire arm but it was attached to something or someone.

"Elena? Can you hear me?" It was Damon and he sounded…weird.

I tried to clear my throat because it felt like I'd just eaten a pile of sand. My throat just was not cooperating.

"Elena, baby, it's mom. I'm right here and you're fine."

Fine? How was I fine? I felt like I'd been run over and then immediately backed over. My throat had obviously been mauled by a rabid feline and Damon sounded like he'd been crying. This situation was _not_ fine. I cracked an eye and rolled it around until I had Damon locked in my gaze. His face was pained and my heart contracted at the sight of his red rimmed eyes. I'd caused that look on his face, me. The events leading to me being in the hospital, where I assumed I'd ended up, were not lost. I remembered drinking which was a big unknown for me. Having never drank before, I should've been more responsible. I hadn't been the best maker of decisions apparently.

"I'll leave you two alone," Damon said, standing and offering my mother the seat next to my bed.

"No, honey," my mother shook her head. "You two go on and talk; I'll let the doctor know she's awake."

I looked from my best friend to my mother and back again with both eyes. How long had I been out and what exactly had they talked about before I'd woken up?

"Elena, you scared the shit out of me. You were half dead on my bathroom floor." His voice faltered slightly, realizing he was teetering on the edge of dramatic. "At least...that's what I thought, anyway."

"Damon, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." The guilt was written all over my face. "I guess you and my mother made friends with one another, huh?"

He cringed slightly. "Your mother is a good person. She's just trying to deal with all of this, 'Lena. That's all any of us can do."

Technically, I had already made my choice the moment I opened my eyes but I didn't let him into that little revelation. I couldn't be the source of his heartache, I just couldn't do it. Whether or not it was supposed to happen, I cared for him far more deeply than I wanted. "Listen," I squeezed his hand, "I'm sorry to have put you through this. Maybe…maybe the bucket list was a bad idea. I mean, it's silly if you think about it."

Damon looked offended and removed his hand from mine as if I'd burned him. "You can't push me away this far in. You can't let someone in and then push them out when things get too tough."

I turned my body toward him. "This far in? It's been a few months, Damon."

He stood up with such force that the chair behind him turned over backwards. He rubbed both hands over his face in frustration. "A few months in your life is a long time."

I thought facing my mortality was difficult. No, that was nothing compared to forcing him from my room with silence. I was settled with the fact that I was sick and that there was no changing that but letting him into my world had been the catalyst. I'd slowly been realizing that I needed to live life and I had pushed my mother back in the process. Then again, that same epiphany had landed me in the hospital bed.

* * *

The air conditioner hummed and groaned as it came to life under the house. I stared, not moving, through the vertical blinds in my window, thinking about the things that had transpired since my mom had brought me home from the hospital. Damon sent flowers, no note. I knew they were from him because no one else would have made the effort. I'd only really been casually dodging him but he didn't push.

I had become severely dehydrated and stressed and it damn near took me out early, according to my doctor. They threatened to make me see a therapist if I didn't start taking better care of myself. I don't know what I expected from my half assed confrontation with Damon in the hospital. Of course, he respected what I wanted, despite his very obvious disagreement in the matter.

"Dinner's almost ready," My mom said, poking her head into my open door.

I smiled and pulled myself from the bed after closing the blinds. My legs were tired and to be honest I was just tired, period. The pale sheen of my skin was disturbing to say the least. When I reached the kitchen I collapsed into the closest chair.

"How are you feeling?"

I smiled at my mother. "I'm better. Don't worry about me."

She sighed and turned back to the stove. "What happened to Damon?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well," she set a tray of sliced bread on the table. "He was such a constant the past few months and now he's just disappeared." She eyed me, knowing the answer already.

"I told him I wanted to spend some time at home…alone." The statement sounded so hollow, which is exactly how uttering the words made me feel.

"I'm worried about you, Elena." She set two plates and two glasses down on the table. "You've gone from reasonably balanced and happy to overzealous then now…this." She waved almost dismissively at me.

I sighed, twirling the fork next to my plate. "I think I was complacent, mom. I was settled in to the fact that I only had so much time left and I would go out with a good spirit but all that changed when Damon came along."

"So why in the world have you separated yourself from him?"

I thought about the look on his face, the pain. "I'm just going to end up being a source of pain and disappointment in his life. I can't do that to him." My eyes burned.

My mother sat down across from me, understanding in her eyes. "I'm not sure where that happy go lucky young woman went but you can't deny he made you happy."

I smiled despite myself. "He _does_ make me happy."

"If you spent all your time worrying about other people, you'd wake up one day and realize that time has caught up with you."

It was a shock to my system, realizing that my life wasn't so evenly balanced after all. My mother continued cooking while I drew my knees up to my chest and rested my cheek on them. My skin grew warm as I thought about the night at the party and Damon's reaction to my bold behavior. It was obvious he liked me even though he claimed we were only friends. I definitely liked him more than I originally thought or admitted.

"I'm going for a walk," I called behind me as I was halfway through the living room, dinner and the warning from the doctor long forgotten.

"What about dinner?" Mom yelled after me, still very aware that I'd just gotten out of the hospital.

I disregarded her question and headed toward the beach. My feet were almost in the sand when Damon found me. "Elena!" He called me and I knew it was him.

I kept on walking. "Damon, are you stalking me?"

He laughed, finally catching up with me. "Oh yeah, it's a hobby of mine."

"I had just given you credit for giving me some space and well, you've just blown that all to hell." It was near impossible to be mad at the guy. Especially when his eyes were on mine and the blue was even bluer next to the ocean. He grabbed my shoulder lightly, stopping me just as we were halfway to the water. I turned to look up at him, shading my eyes with my right hand.

"Can I walk with you?" The dimple was back.

"You don't even know where I'm going." There was something about him, about the way he stood and spoke and just existed that made everything else go away. "Lucky for you I've decided to save swimming to Hawaii until next week." I smirked up at him.

He laughed loudly as if my joking with him was a relief. "I happen to be an excellent swimmer."

We began to walk again, side by side down the beach until both our feet were being washed in sand by the waves.

"I've been thinking-" We both admitted at the same time.

"You first," he offered.

I took a deep breath, gathering my entire negative stock of emotions and forcing it out mentally. "I've been really weird about us, and I think we would be fine if I just stopped trying to put so many restrictions on…things."

Damon took my hand in his. "I was just about to tell you that I would be willing to go along with whatever you decided."

I laughed aloud. "I don't want to worry about time or boundaries. I just want to live and I mean that this time."

He lifted me up into a hug and spun me around once before putting me back down. "I didn't expect you to give in so easily. I was prepared for a fight," he said with a more serious look.

"My knight in shining armor, come to save me from myself." I folded my hands dramatically under my chin and batted my eyelashes.

"You're a class 'A' smart ass." Damon lurched forward in an attempt to grab me but I dodged him easily.

I ran at a medium pace down the beach, my feet splashing in the surf and wet, heavy sand. I could hear him keeping up easily behind me. My laughter was uncontrollable as I ran, feeling so alive. When he finally decided to catch up to me, he grabbed me around the waist and threw me over his shoulder.

"Be careful, I'm delicate!" I yelled as he walked further into the Pacific ocean.

He swept me from his shoulder until I was cradled in his arms. "I would never hurt you," he whispered. "But I will drop you in this ocean."

I squealed as he let go and I could hear him laughing as I hit the salty water. When I surfaced he was grinning, a double dimple grin. "You are not funny."

He opened his mouth to respond as a huge wave crashed in, knocking us both off our feet and pushing us toward the beach. We landed on the beach like two fish, mouths gasping for air. It was a moment I would never forget. Everything was perfect and I would store it away to think about when things started to fall apart.

"What should we do now?" I asked Damon as I wrung the water from my long brunette hair.

He twisted his shirt, shook it once and put it back on. "Have you ever been to the swap meet?"

"I thought that was in the mornings." I wrapped my hair into a bun and secured it with a hair tie from my wrist.

"It is, usually. There are some hard core swappers that keep stands open inside all day." He winked and it was decided.

We rode across town, listening to some guy talk about sports on the radio. Damon's car smelled like ocean and my skin felt tight from all the salt that I had yet to wash off. He parked the car as close to the front door as he could and then walked around to open the car door for me.

"You'll love this place," he assured me as we reached the entrance door. He held that open for me too.

The swap meet was nothing more than a glorified flea market and Damon was right; I loved the place. There were so many different stands full of clothes, toys and almost anything one person could desire. It reminded me of the boardwalk at Venice and it reminded me of my mother.

"This is amazing," I breathed as we walked and browsed.

"They have really good soft pretzels here too."

"Better than on the boardwalk?" I asked, smoothing my fingers over a silk kimono.

"Better than that," he answered. "Want one?"

The mention of pretzels reminded me that I hadn't eaten dinner and that I was starving. "Get me two?"

He laughed and nodded. I watched him walk away, waiting until he'd disappeared around the corner before going back to my browsing. I slowly examined table after table until I came to the end of the aisle and had to turn the same corner he had. There was one table in the corner, where an elderly woman sat, humming along to a record player that was sitting next to her on a stool. I smiled warmly at her and started to walk away but then I saw it.

The flash of blue gave me an instant adrenaline rush. The umbrella. I quickly moved the two sweaters that covered half of it and slid it from the table carefully, as if it would turn to dust. It was practically the umbrella from my dream. My heart was pounding in my chest with excitement.

"What did you find?" Damon appeared next to me with a bag of pretzels and a handful of napkins.

My face lit up as I looked over at him. "I think…I may have just been given a sign."

He looked confused but I ignored it as I paid the older woman for the umbrella and thanked her.

* * *

There was a warm breeze blowing through Topanga canyon as Damon drove with both windows down. I cherished the feeling of the wind against my face. I breathed deeply, tasting the air and the ocean in it. My head bobbed to the song on the radio and Damon's fingers matched the beat on the steering wheel. We exchanged a smile and my stomach burst into butterflies.

"I'm only doing this because it will make you happy, 'Lena." He gave me a raised eyebrow and a half smile.

"Riding a horse is a privilege and you'll be fine. Just wait, you'll be calm and at peace with yourself afterwards."

He scoffed and turned the car onto a dirt road. "I'd take yoga if I wanted that kind of peace. I don't need to ride a horse around a dusty canyon."

I poked at him with my index finger. "I jumped out of a plane; that's more dangerous than this."

Damon sighed but let me have the last word. I grinned as we passed the sign for Los Angeles Horseback Riding. I felt like I was back in Georgia, on the farm and it brought feelings to life that were surprising to me. The familiar feeling of panic gripped my windpipe and for a moment I lost my breath. It was the feeling I wouldn't ever see my true home again. One day, I wouldn't be able to do anything. I grimaced, disappointed in myself for letting the terror grip me so tightly.

"Well, let's go." He was trying to be positive but I could tell he really didn't want to go horseback riding.

"How many times do you get to see the sun set from the back of such a majestic animal?"

He wrapped me in his right arm as we walked to the barns. "I guess it's a good thing we're the only two on the trails tonight."

"What?" I exclaimed, yanking myself from his arm.

He smiled at the woman who had come to greet us. "That's right, just us."

He seemed pleased with himself and I had to admit it was a nice gesture. The other part of me realized just how romantic a horseback ride through the canyon while the sun sets could be. I tried not to worry over the changing dynamics between Damon and I as our guide explained all the rules. The truth was, I didn't loosen up until I watched him unwillingly get on his horse. I mounted my own much easier and he made sure to give me a dirty look.

"How did I end up with a horse named Lucifer?" Damon whispered as we were led away from the barn.

I giggled and patted the mane of my own animal. Ignoring the question I looked around as we gained altitude. It was breathtaking and I mentally scolded myself for not exploring Topanga Canyon before. If it hadn't been for Damon, I would have spent the rest of my days on the boardwalk at Venice.

"This is beautiful," I said softly. Talking any louder seemed wrong.

Our instructor kept a good distance ahead of us. It was almost as if we were out there alone. I watched her back as she got further away then concentrated on the scenery around me.

"I didn't expect this," he said, looking in the opposite direction. "This is a surprise."

I closed my eyes. The sun was beginning to turn a dark orange and it felt good against my bare arms. "There's something about the feeling. I used to love the feeling of riding a horse and the power it gives you. I feel invincible."

"I have to admit...this doesn't suck at all." He laughed and I put on my fake angry face.

Our entire ride that night was something I'd always remember. On our way back up the canyon and toward the barns, the sun began to set. Purples and reds streaked across the sky like lightning. The air smelled like dust, from the horse's hooves and I could feel a layer of dirt on my skin. Our guide let us stop to watch the sun sink below the horizon like it was quicksand.

"It's so quiet." Damon grabbed my hand and held my pinky tightly from his spot atop the horse.

I could feel the blush on my face or maybe it was the setting sun. I refrained from saying a word because the moment was so perfect. I was truly a lucky girl but realizing it was the best part. My feelings for Damon shifted their axis in Topanga Canyon.

"Are you hungry?" He asked as we passed three seafood restaurants.

I sighed and rolled the window down so I could put my hand out. "Not really. I feel like I've been eating dirt."

"Do you want to go home?"

I turned to him. "Let's do something exciting!"

He barked out a laugh. "Elena, what in hell have we been doing all this time?"

I fell back into the seat and crossed my arms. "Fine, I'll just go home."

"Are you throwing a fit?" He asked in disbelief.

"I might be," I mumbled.

Damon turned the car around and began heading in the opposite direction. I questioned him with my gaze but he just shook his head, telling me silently not to question him. My curiosity got the better of me when I saw the familiar signs for Hollywood.

"We're going to Hollywood? We never go to Hollywood."

He smiled and took the exit for Santa Monica Boulevard. Rather than questioning him further, I stuck my head through the open window like I was new in town. The lights and buildings went by at a moderate speed, considering the traffic was light. People walked the sidewalks in groups, talking and laughing. The smells of different cuisines mingled and gave the air a definitive aroma. I breathed deep, pleased with his location of choice.

"We're going right there," he said suddenly, pointing ahead.

"Hollywood Forever?" I was confused. "We're going to the cemetery?"

"They play movies on the lawn during the summer."

We parked and once again, Damon walked around to open the door for me. I let him pay for our tickets and find us a good spot to sit before I spoke. "This is rather morbid, don't you think?"

"Of course it isn't. We're surrounded by some of the most powerful people that ever existed in Hollywood, not to mention we're going to watch an equally amazing movie."

I looked around at the different headstones and considered the location. It was sort of odd that I was spending time in a cemetery before I actually had to be there. Other people were seated in chairs and had blankets spread out. No one seemed to be bothered by all the dead people.

The movie was a classic though halfway through I lost interest. I just couldn't get over the marble stones and statues surrounding us. Damon must have noticed because he suggested we slip off into the night and check them out.

"We'll be kicked out," I said, trying to keep us from being removed from the property. "Why are you always doing things that might get us banned from places?"

"Come on," he said with a dimpled grin. "Live a little."

I sighed. "Fine, lead on." I let him take my hand and lead me off into the dark.

"Have you thought about…" He stopped mid sentence, unsure of how to continue.

I used his cell phone to light the manicured grass in front of me. "Go on. You know you can ask me anything."

"I was just wondering if you'd thought about your own funeral." His voice was monotone but it was a valid question.

"Not really. I've written three or four epitaphs though." I laughed. "I used to admire Edgar Allen Poe."

Damon stopped and I ran into the back of him. "And you said being in the cemetery was morbid?"

I pushed him forward. "I said I _used_ to. Besides, sneaking around with all these graves is morbid."

"Let's hear one," he suggested. He stopped and leaned casually against an angel.

"You want me to recite my own epitaph, here in the graveyard?"

He nodded but I could barely see it in the dark. "Why not? I want to hear how you think people should remember you."

"These were before-"

"Before what?" he questioned.

"They were before I met you and everything changed." I kicked at a lump in the grass.

"Well, let's hear a new one then. Make one up right now."

I tossed his phone back at him. "This is insane! You do it if you want to hear one so bad."

Damon held his cell phone up under his chin and grinned at me. He looked like a murderer with a really great smile. I rolled my eyes and kept walking. I could hear his feet moving along behind mine.

"Here lies Elena from Georgia," he began. I couldn't help but laugh. "A loving daughter and best friend who left this earth too soon."

I stopped and turned. A small gasp escaped when I realized how close he was.

"Elena lived life to the fullest and never let anything stop her from being the amazing person she was. She jumped from planes and even tried sushi." He backed away.

"Go on," I urged.

"She was a determined and hard headed person but she was always nice."

"Nice? Damon, I don't want the word nice on my headstone." I liked where our strange conversation was going.

"OK, let's see…Elena was a beautiful soul who didn't let anything stop her from life. She loved with her whole heart and looked really good in wet clothes."

"Damon!" I stepped forward and pushed him playfully.

"Okay, okay..." He said, laughing. "Fine, I'll think of something better."

I noticed the outline of a crypt under the glow of a street light. "What's that?" Before Damon could answer I walked off.

When we reached the marble building I opened the door and let myself in. He filed in behind me, his cell phone lighting the way for me. Both sides were marked with bronze plates. I ran my fingers over the raised letters in awe. "I like this. I could rest peacefully in a place like this."

"You think so?" He passed me, admiring the flowers and things people have left for their loved ones.

"Will you leave me fresh flowers and teddy bears? Maybe a soft pretzel?"

He chuckled and it echoed around the room. "This conversation is going downhill fast. Let's talk about something else."

I felt bad for him. "Let's hear another epitaph then. You've had enough time to think of something decent."

"You're right." He clapped his hands together and rubbed them furiously. "Alright, here it goes. Our dear Elena, beloved daughter and best friend."

I closed some of the distance between us.

"She left the world too soon and will be eternally missed by everyone she touched."

"This is my favorite one so far. We should be writing this down."

Damon looked toward the floor and moved closer to me. He advanced until I had no choice but to back up toward the wall. "She had the prettiest smile and a cute laugh. Her hair always smelled like the beach."

My back hit the stone behind me with a soft thud.

"She liked riding horses and eating soft pretzels. She could read palms and even gave some guy a refund because he doubted her."

I looked up and could barely make out the expression on his face in the dark. He was so close I could feel his breath on my face. "I do like soft pretzels."

"That guy she gave a discount to, well he thought she was amazing and wouldn't leave her alone. He spent all his free time with her until one day he realized why."

"This is becoming a story, Damon. It's too long-"

He shushed me and I obeyed. Our bodies were pressed against one another and neither of us cared that we were in a mausoleum surrounded by lives gone by. My breath quickened as did my heart beat.

"He kissed her for the first time in a graveyard and they lived happily ever after."

I started to answer him but he kissed me. It was unexpected but I didn't reject him because I wanted it just as much as he did. It felt right, his soft lips against mine in such a gentle way. I wanted to cry because my heart ached over the perfection that was Damon Salvatore. I wanted to live forever. I never wanted to leave him. It wasn't an over the top kiss or a very long one for that matter but it was filled with passion and it changed everything. When he pulled his lips from mine I could almost feel him smiling. The only sound was our breathing.

* * *

 _ **I absolutely LOVE all the reviews and comments you guys. I read every one even if I'm horrible at responding. I'm much more accessible on my Twitter which is Nikki_Novak. (And if you're reading Bloom, that update is coming next week. I'm going away for the weekend.)**_

 _ **Anyway, I hope you enjoy. This is one of my favorite chapters.**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

My lips were numb from the pressure of my fingers against them. Damon stood across from me, his chest rising and falling quicker than normal. My eyes had adjusted to the dark around us so I could make out the lazy grin on his face. Neither of us spoke, afraid to ruin the moment that had just occurred between us. We weren't supposed to _be_ like that. Damon wasn't supposed to kiss me and light my nerves on fire. My toes were still tingling.

"What just happened?" I broke the silence with a whisper.

He looked toward the ground and shook his head. "I like you, Elena. I've never pretended that I don't."

"I like you too," I admitted. "I'm scared."

Damon grabbed my shirt and pulled me to him. He smoothed my tangled hair from my face and sighed. "There should be a handbook for this sort of thing."

"How to Date A Terminally Ill Chick?" I mumbled against his chest.

He laughed and then I laughed. Just like that the tension was broken. That's what I had come to really enjoy about him. He didn't take anything too seriously and he knew how to handle me specifically. We both were stumbling around the unknown but at least I didn't have to do it alone. I never thought it would happen but that night, that kiss, cemented his presence in the rest of my life.

* * *

The house was quiet. My mother had gotten up early and headed off to the beach to set up our jewelry. Damon was supposed to come over so I stayed behind to wait for him. He'd promised me he was working on something huge for our next adventure and I knew he wouldn't disappoint. It was a little after ten when a strange car pulled up in the drive. I opened the front door and watched as Damon got out with a huge smile on his face.

"What's with the convertible?" I called through the screen door.

"This vintage machine," he motioned to the car, "is transportation to our next destination."

I looked at him, puzzled. "I'm missing something here."

He grabbed me by my shoulders when he approached and pushed me backwards into the house. "We're going on a road trip. A long road trip. I suggest you get packed because we won't be back for a while."

I laughed in disbelief. "Are you serious? What about Journey?"

"A friend is keeping her now go on, pack your things." He pushed me along without even answering my question.

I did as he asked and packed my medium suitcase full of essentials. I had no idea where we were going or how to dress so I brought a mix of everything. Damon took the bag from me once I reached the living room. I smiled, unsure but trusting.

"Ready?" He asked when he returned from loading my bag into the trunk of the car.

"I just want to leave my mom a note." I grabbed the dry erase marker and scribbled a note on the refrigerator.

"I think maybe you should actually say goodbye to her, Elena."

"Are we not coming back?" I asked, confused.

"Of course we're coming back. It's just…you never know."

He was always using my own logic against me. "Fine, I get it. We'll stop."

We stopped to see my mother and she was hesitant because I couldn't tell her where we were going but she wished me well and sent me on my way. He had put the top down when I returned and was waiting patiently in the driver's seat.

"Did you plan on telling me where we're going anytime soon?"

He passed me a map with dozens of little marks all over. I unfolded it and studied carefully.

"We'll end up in Georgia."

"Wait, we're driving to Georgia?" My mouth was stuck open.

He nodded and started the car, pulling off toward the 405. "And we're going to stop and see anything and everything that interests us along the way."

My throat tightened with emotion. "You would take all this time out of your life to drive me home?"

I couldn't see his eyes through the sunglasses but I knew he was looking at me. "We won't get this time back; you know that. I'm taking advantage of right now."

"Damon…"

"I know you feel like it's all too much but this is as much for me as it is for you. I want this too."

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly over the gearshift. We didn't talk again for a long time and it was alright with me. Just being there with him, holding hands and feeling the wind blow all around us was enough. Sometimes situations and actions didn't need a commentary. Sometimes you just need to stop and let the air around you speak. That only lasted until a good song came on the radio and I had to turn it up. Damon grinned at me as I pulled my hair into a tight bun and danced in my seat.

"So where to first?" I asked. "What grand sights will we see?"

"Have you ever been to Vegas?"

"Las Vegas!" I clapped my approval, unable to contain my excitement.

"We'll be there in about four hours," he said, laughing.

I did a little happy dance and turned back to watch the highway slip by. I propped my feet up on the dash and got comfortable. The air was warm, warm enough to dry your skin with a simple breeze but I didn't complain. We were on our way to a cross country adventure.

The drive to Vegas was far more exciting that I'd imagined. We laughed over the Bill and Ted references I made as we passed through San Dimas. I took pictures of the world's largest thermometer and then we pulled over so I could pose with the thing.

"Oh yeah…work it, baby. That's perfect!" Damon cat called as he took pictures of me next to the gigantic thermometer.

"That thing is incredible." I remarked as I approached him, rolling my hair back up into a messy bun.

He reached into the back seat of the car and pulled out an old school Polaroid camera. " _You_ are incredible."

My face burned with a blush but that didn't stop him from snapping a photo of me. "They still make film for that dinosaur?"

"Hey, don't knock my Polaroid. This," he shook the camera lightly, "gives me instant gratification."

I took hold of his free hand, rubbing the back of it with my thumb. "Take a picture of us, right here with that monster as the backdrop."

"Okay," he said with a smile.

We flipped around and he aimed the camera at our faces. He snapped the button and the photo came flying out the front. I pulled it away before he could and waved it around in the air. When the two of us finally showed up only our noses and above were in the picture. I tried to convince him to take another but he claimed it was perfect. I let him have his way so we could get back on the road again.

The closer to Las Vegas we got, the more alive I felt. It was hard to believe, in that moment, that I would be gone one day. I would just cease to exist but the world would go on around me. Everything and everyone would move on. It was enough to cripple a lesser person but, not me. It only made me more determined to leave my mark in everyone's hearts because that's all I had to offer.

"Would you want to stay overnight?" Damon turned to me, pulling me from my own head.

I thought about us, alone in a hotel room. It seemed appealing enough. "Well, I've never been gambling or eaten at a cheap buffet with Chinese food and pizza all in the same room."

He patted my leg before returning his hand to the wheel and shortly after we were pulling into the city. He pointed out the important places to me as I took pictures and reveled in the immensity of it all. "When the lights come on tonight we'll have to go sightseeing. After we eat at a cheap buffet of course."

I smirked but let him get away with the comment. He pulled up to a hotel and I stepped out as the valet opened the door for me. Someone came running out with a cart and took our bags from the trunk. Damon and I never lifted a finger.

"This is surreal," I said as I observed the casino and all the people milling around.

On our way to the room he had just secured a ball of nervous excitement was building in my stomach. When he opened the door and I realized he'd paid for a suite I squealed and immediately jumped on the king sized bed. He took a picture of me with his Polaroid from the entryway.

"Let's go get something to eat," he offered, holding his hand out for me.

"Yeah, sure." I was breathless from the jumping.

The buffet was an entire room. It took me ten minutes to decide where to start and I was very upset when I couldn't try everything I wanted to try. After I'd eaten in three different countries without leaving the room we ventured out into the streets where the sun was still mid way in the sky.

"I've never done anything like this before," Damon admitted.

"A road trip?"

"No, I mean...with a girlfriend. I've never let someone in and let go before. I've always been a fairly private person when it came to relationships." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him.

"This is your life, Damon. This is _our_ life. Everything we do is important so we'd better make it worth our effort, right?"

His arm fell from my shoulders and grasped my hand tightly. "I have to be honest, 'Lena. This is turning into so much more than a road trip for me."

I stopped walked and turned to look into his eyes. There was a depth that I'd seen from him before but this time I wasn't concerned about him falling for me. We'd already crossed that line and we were in no man's land. We were too far in to turn back.

"You'd better make every moment worthwhile then." I turned away and he followed me easily; a soft smile on his face.

The strip was chaotic, for lack of a better word. I had trouble taking it all in and the sun hadn't even fully set. We walked and talked until it did. I made up my mind that I needed a souvenir from every place we stopped in and Damon thought it was an excellent idea. He pulled me into a quirky little shop and disappeared.

He reappeared moments later with an authentic looking peace pipe in his hand. "LOOK what I found!"

I gave him a puzzled look. "Why are you so excited over that peace pipe? That is a peace pipe, right?"

"Man smoke peace pipe," He grunted.

"Damon! That's so offensive!"

He laughed and apologized but he still bought the damn pipe. My first souvenir and it was a smoking device. Actually it was a replica. I couldn't even smoke from it if I had wanted to. The Polaroid of me next to the Native American statue out front, holding the pipe amused him to no end. It was the look on my face; the sarcastic look on my face.

My feet were killing me when we got back to the room. I wanted nothing more than to shed my clothes, put a t-shirt on and fall into bed. Of course, I wasn't sure how to accomplish those things with Damon staring at me, silently.

"What?" I asked self consciously.

"Nothing," he said with a dimpled smile.

I surveyed the area, deciding to change my clothes in the bathroom. Damon's hand shot out at the last minute and halted my near escape to privacy.

"Hey, I want to change my clothes." I fought against him halfheartedly.

"Do I make you nervous?"

The look in his eyes made me blush instantly. "A little bit…yeah."

"I thought we were past that after the night in the graveyard." His hand was caressing my stomach but I hadn't realized it because of my nerves.

"I just…I don't know the protocol. Are you…well what I mean is, are we…together? You called me your girlfriend before but..."

He spun me until I was facing him. I dropped the clothes I had in my hands in a pile at my feet accidentally. Much like the night we danced his hands held me firm at the hips. He curved his neck and bent until his lips met mine for our second kiss.

The only difference was, I reciprocated the second time and I may have peeled his shirt from his body without realizing it. I wasn't sure of anything until my own shirt came off and was tossed across the room. His hands against my skin were pure pleasure and pain because I wanted it so much. Still, something wasn't right. I wasn't all there but, saying the words was near impossible with Damon's lips against my neck.

"Wait, just stop a minute." I finally managed to find my voice.

He backed off slowly. "Are you okay?"

I almost kissed him again. "I don't think we should do this yet."

* * *

 _Happy 4th of July for those of you in the US. This chapter ends abruptly and I've tried a few times to add on but none of it felt right. In the end, I left it like it was. I can live with it if you can. Enjoy!_


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